he wants to bone in the snuggie
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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