Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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