So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
