Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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