Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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