i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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