aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
