Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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