I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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