You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
