very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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