why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
