Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
