Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize