I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
