The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
