For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
