How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
