i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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