No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every concussion has its silver lining
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
