No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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