I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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