just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
