She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
