please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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