Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
