What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
