oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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