Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
