It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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