Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
