just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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