She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
