Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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