There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
