felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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