On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
