Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
