I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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