I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
