chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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