That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How's work?
Spinning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
