Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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