Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
