Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
