then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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