I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
