A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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