So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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