sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
