I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
