At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
