You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
