It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
