i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
