party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
