this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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