I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
