"it" just moved
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did I show you my penis last night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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