wat bout pragnant strippers??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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