I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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