I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i will never coherently bang her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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