Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
