I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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