Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
