she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
