Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
