I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
