I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
