So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
