My room smells like vodka and shame
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
