Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
