Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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