I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
