I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
