he puts the penis in happiness.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
