They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
