Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
