Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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