I looked at my own cervix.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize