I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
