Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
