There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
