he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
