It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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