All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
