I am midnight drunk by noon
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
