Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
