There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
