and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
