i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we made out on top of his cat.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
