the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
